selfishness

In life, I am learning and I am learned:
I have come to realize that when the stresses of work and life and home become abundant, i release those stresses via very selfish and thoughtless ways.
the releasing not only hurts my, but others around me. perhaps by acknowledging this - freedom of practises long created for by myself for stress relief will stop controlling me.

i know i am vague, but embarrassments have made me realize this -
i am a better person - i am loved by a creator - i am blessed to be loved by a wife - i am blessed to love my children and recieve love from them - i have a decent paying job (although i think i am worth more) - i have a roof over my head - i have two vehicles, one is paid for and and one is almost paid for -
i am responsible for my decisions at all times - regardless.

that is the thing i need to be coherant of at all times. my decisions are either going to help people or hurt people, including myself.

down i come

okay,
ran a marathon in April - did it in 4 hours 3 mintues and 40 some seconds... way better than i thought. my friend Brian Wendt helped me out a ton!

since 1 and half years ago i have lost about 20 pounds... i am now continually under 190, about 187 all the time - i did hit my magic goal number of 185 the other day - that was really cool.

-i have a small addiction to running, that is all i can tell you - i feel better about myself, i have more energy. it is well.

work is a bitch... thinking about becoming a firefighter about every 3rd day.